October 2005

What's Creating All the Conflict, and What Can We Do about It?
By ArLyne Diamond, Ph.D., Diamond Associates

A radio interviewer recently asked me if I thought there was more conflict in the workplace today then in the past. I replied, "Yes," even though I could think of only a few reasons during the brief interview. Since that time, I've thought about it more and now have a list of possible reasons, along with some suggestions for solutions.

Today's workplace is far more complex than in the past, creating a number of inter-related reasons for the increase in conflict. This article will examine some of the reasons for the difficulty, and encourage you to think about which problems  apply to your workplace, and what you can do to deal with them. In the next issue, I will recommend approaches to helping you reduce conflict and get the best out of yourself and others. 

The Reasons - Problems

Management Style

In prior years the workplace consisted of a clear authoritarian structure and chain of command. Workers obeyed orders, kept their gripes and personal issues to themselves and did their work. If they failed to perform effectively, they were immediately fired and replaced.

Today's workplace is much more egalitarian. We have flatter chains of command, dotted-line relationships, and primarily knowledge workers who make decisions themselves and can move to another job if they don't like the way they are being treated.

Women in the Workplace

Women are now in the workplace in equal numbers to their male counterparts. Generally speaking, women are much less accustomed to following a chain of command than men. Most men grow up participating in organized sports, where they are taught to obey. Although some women are now active in sports, many more grew up playing creative games that didn't have any particular organization or chain of command. In games like house or actress, girls take turns in varying roles.

Women cherish personal relationships and are concerned about the atmosphere in which they work. They tend to pay far more attention to these emotional issues than their male counterparts and are apt to complain if things don't feel right.

Although men and women have come a long way toward understanding each other and working harmoniously together, behavioral differences, including teasing, flirting, confronting, aggression and simply communication styles, still exist.

Generational and Cultural Differences

People of all ages, from all over the world, work together. They have different values, goals, behavioral expectations and prior experiences. Yet they are expected to work together without really understanding the underlying causes for the misunderstandings between them.

Distant Teams—and Telecommuting

We manage and work with people in locations all over the world. Often we never meet them; all our communication is via phone or e-mail. The personal contact is missing, hampering communication, understanding and trust.

Stress of Too Many Hours at Work

For inexplicable reasons, people are expected to spend many hours at work. The fantasy is that they will accomplish more by working longer hours. The reality is that they are less productive the longer they remain on the job. They are more stressed, more apt to make significant mistakes, and much more apt to over-react and snap at others.

Our Litigious Society

In our zeal to protect workers from being abused, we have made so many laws governing workplace behavior that we have actually contributed to conflict by creating opportunities to sue at the first sign of any conflict, stress, possible harassment or discrimination. Lawyers advise that it's safer for employers to investigate and find fault than it is for them to mediate disputes.

Political Correctness and the Tyranny of Pleasantness

So afraid are we to offend that we rarely deal with issues when they first arise. Instead, we smile, say something polite, and hope the matter will go away. Indeed, I've heard people speak of the "Eleventh Commandment" as "If you don't have something good to say, don't say anything at all."

The need to be nice, plus the fear of accidentally saying something that could be construed as discriminatory, have led to what I call "the tyranny of pleasantness."

©2005 ArLyne Diamond. All rights reserved.